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Wedding Ceremonies
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Dani Lynn: Posted on Wednesday, November 09, 2011 7:53 PM
 I run into this all the time, a bride wants to just get a "quote" and they are not ready to set up a meeting as of yet. It can be aggravating at times, but what can you do? I always tell my brides that I would like to set up a face to face meeting so I can better explain in person how I can make their ceremony as special and unique to them as possible, and so they can better see if I am someone who fits into their vision of their wedding. Most of the time I am able to book a face to face meeting from that, and then there are those who still just want to just "look". But, Honestly why should a bride book a face to face meeting with an officiant if all she really wants is just a price quote? I'm gonna tell you why... 1. The bride can see for herself if this Officiant is someone who can speak eloquently, and convey her ideas for her ceremony. 2. The Officiant can communicate exactly what services are included with their price quotes. - what the difference is in price packages
- why the packages are priced as such
- what type of "extras" are included
- how much a rehearsal would cost
- what type of ceremonies they will perform
- Answer any questions regarding the ceremony
 At this meeting, this not only give the Bride and Groom a chance to see how this Officiant fits into their vision, but it also give the Officiant a chance to get to know the couple on a more personal level so they can perform their job more sufficiently and even put little nuances of the couple into their ceremony. I always asks a list of questions so that I can see the couples' responses to each others answers, it gives me insight to what kind of couple they are.  I just recently had the mishap of dealing with a Bride and Groom who actually was booked by a 3rd party-the Bride's Mother. This couple lives out of state and the bride is in the service, so communication has been strictly through the mother. Difficult to say the least but not impossible. I sent out my contract and all my wonderful paper work that I usually go over in a face to face meeting to the Mom and to the bride, I never got any response back from the bride, but always from the Mom...She sent a signed contract back to me with out the cover page of the contract. She sent along my required deposit, and circled my Silver package, stating that it was just going to be the Bride and Groom, no witnesses. Not a problem. Simple enough... Well I got a phone call from Mom asking me to do a rehearsal the day before the wedding, and I explained it would not be a problem but there is an extra fee...She was under the understanding that the rehearsal would be free... Now if there had been a face to face meeting, even a skype meeting if at all possible, this issue would have been discussed and taken care of. So as I explained to Mom, that No it is not free, what is free is the initial face to face meeting with the couple prior to signing a contract. Ok Mom was understanding of the rehearsal fee and agreed to it, then Mom explains that since there are  6 nephews and nieces involved in the wedding we want to make sure everything runs smoothly. Again, My ears perk up and I realize they think that because it's family involved, they aren't considered Bridesmaids or groomsmen...Not true! Again, I explained to Mom that if we had had this meeting face to face, all of this would have been a non-issue. I had to explain that it doesn't matter the age, relation, or title by which the bride and groom wants to call anyone, if they are participating in the wedding ceremony, (standing up, reading a poem, singing, etc...) they are included in the wedding party. I price my packages based on time and amount of participants... Needless to say I had to refer Mom back to my front page of the contract and remind her to please re-read it and get back with me if that seems alright by her.  The 1st contact I got from the bride was in response to this misunderstanding and she totally understood and had no issues since she knew she was out of state and it has been somewhat difficult to get together....Problem solved, but the misunderstanding and confusion is still left hanging over everyone's heads. This is just one of the many reasons for a bride to schedule a face to face meeting even if they are just price shopping.  You have to consider it a Job interview, you are hiring someone who will help you make your wedding ceremony as memorable as possible. Think of it this way, You wouldn't just call a dress shop and ask them to send you a white dress in a certain size and make sure it is pretty. You have to see for yourself and try it on! Nor would you call a bakery and ask them to just send you a pretty cake in what ever flavor they have with out looking and tasting it 1st. So why would you want to price shop on something that is the most important part of the wedding....The actual CEREMONY! |
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Dani Lynn: Posted on Sunday, November 06, 2011 10:04 PM
 I could have been knocked over with a feather when I receive an email the other day; it was from a future Groom asking about my pricing, and actually complaining about one of my colleagues for their $300.00 Classic Custom ceremony fee. According the emailer's calculations, the fee for a "15 minute ceremony" resulted in the Officiant obtaining the astronomical hourly rate of $1,476!  EXCUSE ME!?!? If that were true, I'd be blogging from my summer mansion on the shores of a Hawaiian Beach while my cabana boy massaged my tootsies!  Couples often have to rein in their wedding day festivities to accommodate their budget. And make no mistake about it--the wedding business is a multi-billion dollar industry with the average cost of a wedding hovering above $30,000. A professional job well done is worth a fair price, however, and it seems our unhappy emailer above was unaware of the time, work and expense put forth by a high-quality officiant.  So, if you've been secretly wondering why the rate for some officiants seems high for the amount of time it takes to deliver your ceremony, let me clarify things.. First of all, let's look at the actual time that is included: · Most custom ceremonies do not last 15 minutes as our friend suggested, but closer to 30 minutes.  Officiants generally arrive up to 30 -60 minutes prior to the ceremony to facilitate last minute coordination, and stay an additional 30-60 minutes after the completion of the ceremony to sign the license, congratulate the couple and pose for photos. Most custom ceremonies do not last 15 minutes as our friend suggested, but closer to 30 minutes in grand total. Officiants generally arrive up to 30-60 minutes prior to the ceremony to facilitate last minute coordination, and stay an additional 30-60 minuts the completion of the ceremony to sign the license, congratulate the couple and pose for photos. The initial getting acquainted meeting lasts 45 minutes to an hour. It takes an hour to write the ceremony. Driving time to and from the ceremony must be included.
 There is generally an additional 30-45 minutes of email time during the course of our pre-ceremony relationship to answer questions. We advise couples on everything from marriage licenses to the name charge process to wedding etiquette.  So, factoring in the above actually brings our "15 Minute Ceremony" up to 5 hours of time on the part of the officiant.
Still, our frugal friend might howl that brings us to an hourly average of $74--unjustifiable to many. So, let's take the following expenses into account. - How did our fine fellow find us? Through one of the wedding sites upon which we advertise. This does not come for free. Nor does our website that we pay to design, maintain and host in order to give prospective clients complete information on our services as well as access to other helpful resources.
- Add in the cost of gasoline, car insurance and maintenance to get us to the ceremony on time (always a plus!)
- Office expenses, ministerial vestments, binders, phone costs, bank fees, postage, business taxes, membership dues, paper, ink, postage and that fancy black pen that you get to use to sign your license!
All of this is difficult to quantify and will vary from officiant to officiant. And of course, the cost needs to be spread across all of the bookings that an officiant acquires in any given month. Let's take a conservative estimate and say that the above costs average approximately $30 per wedding booked. This brings us down to a more respectable $44 per hour. But wait! We have forgotten to include the wedding resources to which each couple has access in order to write their ceremony. Most officiants who've been writing ceremonies for years have compiled a vast wealth of options for vows, blessings, readings, etc, as well as some great creative ideas for use in the ceremony. Value? Well, we sell our ceremony resources, for $50, so let's assume that is a safe bet. Lopping that off the top of the original $300 brings our officiants hourly rate down to about $34.00 per hour. Now, our fine fellow could certainly have his best friend, Bud obtain a quickie online ordination and perform the wedding ceremony for the compensation of a six-pack.. That would be one way to save the cost of an officiant and is a viable option for many.  However, before you go call up the Bud-ster, you might want to think about what comes with that $34.00 per hour fee.  A professional wedding officiant is going to be able to handle anything that comes along on the day of the wedding. It's not as simple as showing up and reading the script. Consider the following mishaps that have happened to couples whom I've wed: microphones die during the ceremony, bridal party members faint, ex-spouses feud (openly!), brides and grooms cry uncontrollably during their vows, flower girls get stung by bees, Dads need reassurance, lines get flubbed by the bride and groom, the ring bearer throws up on his way down the aisle. A thunderstorm unleashes halfway through the ceremony, Unity Candles won't light. It goes on and on.  And then there are the last minute details--coordinating with the music providers, the photographer and the venue staff. Bridal party members need to be lined up and inevitably some key person is in the bathroom come ceremony start time. Is the Unity Candle lighter in place? Where are the roses for the rose ceremony? They were forgotten? No problem, the officiant plucks some out of a centerpiece and saves the day. Does the best man have the rings? Oh dear! The reader forgot her reading--good thing the officiant has an extra copy. Who has the marriage license? Which side is the bride's side and which is the groom's? The FOB (father of bride) is MIA. Oh, there he is--on the balcony having a cigarette with his girlfriend (who by the way can't stand the ex and refuses to sit in the same row). The bride, starting to stress, turns to her officiant, who offers her a reassuring smile. All is well.  The ceremony is filled with wonderfully creative ideas that the officiant has provided. It is delivered by a proficient public speaker who projects loudly enough for even those in the back row to hear. Along the way, the officiant has offered support, guidance, and encouragement. A professional wedding officiant is equal parts emcee, etiquette advisor, coordinator, script-writer, organizer, frayed nerve-soother and legal resource. The wedding officiant is one of the lowest wedding vendor fees that a couple will pay, yet having a bad one can ruin what should be the couple's most special day. While we respect the right of each couple to prioritize their wedding spending, it is always surprising when a couple spends copious amounts of money on things like cake, cutesy favors and limousine, only to seek a bare bones ceremony--which is the heart of the wedding day. Down the road, I think you will want to remember the words of commitment you spoke as being meaningful and poignant as opposed to how yummy your cake was or that you had an open bar at the reception. Beware the officiant who charges a ridiculously low fee, does not require a deposit or doesn't issue a contract. I can't tell you how many calls we get from panicked prides because their "professional" wedding officiant backed out of the wedding a week before. If you haven't given them money and signed a contract, then the deal is not sealed. Here's the bottom line: expect to pay a fair price for a professional service. Then, sit back and allow your officiant to show you how to create a wedding ceremony that upon which you will look back and smile about for many years to come!
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Dani Lynn: Posted on Friday, October 21, 2011 2:43 PM
 I officiated a wedding for a great couple. This was a booking from a bridal show and the bride had actually won my drawing. My clients were originally going to have a friend DJ for them. Turns out, the friend bailed. Apparently their friend had a family emergency and neglected to call or try to explain his absence. My groom actually wrote an article about this particular incidence and it was published online. (http://www.examiner.com/st-clair-county-in-detroit/how-the-smart-phone-saved-our-wedding-reception)  Being that I am in the wedding planning industry, I try to always be prepared, and for this particular time, I and my fiancée were! We were able to step up and help by being the DJ’s for this couple and all turn out just fine…This is one of a handful of weddings I have booked over the years due to a friend of the bride or groom not coming through. Perhaps it’s a blessing in disguise. Sometimes the real damage happens when they DO show up.  So this begs the question, “Should you hire a friend for your wedding?” My two cents…no. When couples hire me, at some point I ask them about the other vendors they’ve hired. It’s important for me to know who all the players are. That’s part of my process. When a couple tells me they are considering having a friend do the photography, or the catering, or the wedding planning & coordinating, the first thing I always ask is “Does your friend do this professionally?” That can make all the difference in the world. A professional is an expert who is a master in a specific field. Professionals most often do what they do for a living, commercially, and not just at home for fun.  I’m not a major sports nut, but the Baseball playoff finals are going on right now. For a moment, compare your wedding to a big game in these finals. You’ve put an enormous amount of work into this game. Blood, sweat, tears, countless hours of planning and strategy has gone into this day. Then, imagine someone made the decision to have a friend come in and be your pitcher. Or visualize one of your friends being an umpire. To save even more money, you could have another friend run the sound system and music programming for all your fans. That person could even use the microphone to talk to the crowd. For pictures, your Aunt Sally has a new camera and is getting better and better all the time. She could come in and shoot. This will be fantastic! You probably see where I’m going with this. The game will still be played, but all of your fans will be disgusted by the game, upset with the umpire, bored and unmotivated by your DJ, and weeks after the game when you look at the photographs, you’ll be in tears because every important shot you wanted was missed.  How to say no: I love honesty (mostly because I’m terrible at lying), so I recommend just explaining why you’re not hiring a friend who has offered wedding services as straightforwardly as possible. But if you feel like you can’t use the direct approach, just shift the blame: you can’t hire them because of the demands of your parents, your in-laws, your fiancée, your wedding planner, your venue contract. Pick the fib that works for you. This is not a stretch. And I understand there are tremendous savings in having a friend help out at the wedding. Times are tough for all of us and every dollar counts. My advice? Don’t hire your friends, unless they are professionals in the industry. Plan your wedding early, with plenty of time to save up for the right players to do the job. I often talk with couples not just about the details here and now, but how they will feel 5, 10…25 years from now. When you look back on your wedding day, you don’t want to feel regret. You don’t want to push your wedding album to the back of the closet because you’re embarrassed to look at the pictures or show them to friends & family. You don’t want to relive your first dance when your DJ friend started playing the wrong song or the music just stopped while all your guests were watching you, or he got up and said something completely inappropriate or offensive. Those memories last a lifetime and you can't get them back! Pros ·Your friend might be willing to give you a discount as a wedding gift, however it would be rude to ask for this. · By hiring a friend you are contributing to the success of her business. · Instead of playing Russian roulette with unknown wedding vendors, you can rest assured that your vendors are trust-worthy. · If you hire a friend, she may put some extra effort into her job since it’s for someone she cares about. ·Just the act of involving friends and family in your wedding is a win-win situation for everyone.
Cons
· If your ideas clash with your friend’s then it may be difficult to ensure that everyone is happy on the big day. · When you hire a friend or anyone to do a job there isn’t a 100% insurance that the job will get done correctly, or the way you envisioned. If your friend doesn’t pull through the way you hoped, it could cause a rift in your relationship. · The friend you hire will be working instead of enjoying your wedding.
Planning your wedding can be fun and stressful, so the most important thing to remember when doing so is that you make decisions that relieve stress, rather than add more. Have fun!
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Dani Lynn: Posted on Thursday, October 13, 2011 9:43 PM
 I just did a wedding at the Glen Gables Chapel in Flushing last weekend. Very beautiful place. The owners, bought a church and renovated it to a beautiful chapel and reception site. Very nice idea, they even had 2 separate rooms for the Bride and the Groom to get dressed in.  This particular couple had contracted me almost a year before their wedding, which is not uncommon, and had told me where the wedding was being planned to take place. I usually keep in contact with the bride over the months before her wedding by email and sending little messages of encouragement. I also send a variety of ceremonies for the couple to go over and pick and choose from. This particular couple never returned any of my emails, so I would call and leave voice mails, still nothing in return. Ok, not unusual sometimes, life can be really busy when planning a wedding. So 3 days before the wedding I get a call from the bride explaining that she has abandoned all emails because they are causing her stress, and that she will "talk" to me about the ceremony at the rehearsal the next night. Ok, Now I am the one "stressing!" I like to have the ceremony all printed up and ready for review at the rehearsal, now I am flying blind... Not a problem, I can do this, so at the rehearsal, things went very smooth and as expected, at the end of the evening, I pull the couple aside to ask about the ceremony they would like and they both just looked at me and said, something short but sweet and we both get to say in Sickness and in Health....Ok, I said, as you wish. The bride herself was battling a severe cold and sounded very stuffed up and just miserable, so I can see why the insistence about the In Sickness and in health reference. I went home and picked a very short but sweet ceremony and made sure I highlighted the particular part they wished to repeat.  At the wedding, one thing after another went wrong, I felt so sorry for the bride, but I always tell my brides, these are just the small stuff, little things that don't add up to much...just breathe thru them and things will end up the way you want. The bride was running a fever, Her flower girl's mother was extremely late because of a botched hair appointment, and didn't leave any time for travel to the chapel or to get the flower girl ready properly. The Grandmother of the groom got lost and call to ask for directions, it would have helped if she was actually on the roads she claimed to be on to give her correct directions to the chapel. She was actually 2 miles away from where she reported she was...  Needless to say, everyone got there safely, not on time, but at least they were there. Now at this time I was feeling relieved not only for the couple but for myself so we could get the wedding started. As we are all gathering in the foyer of the chapel, lined up to make our grand entrance, I could feel my face heat up and begin to burn, So much so, that the father of the Groom notices, and asked me if I need to sit down, I look like I am ready to explode. Great! I am now in the middle of a hot flash, and this chapel has not turn the air on since it's suppose to be "Autumn". Well It just so happens that that day, they high was 80 degrees!  We all were feeling the heat. The ceremony went extremely well, I was able to put in some nuances about the couple and even throw in a joke or two to help ease the stress levels. The Flower girl was just a s cute a could be and of course the wedding was beautiful. I survived the heat, and the bride was radiant, even though we knew it was because of her fever, her guest had no clue... Lesson learned here...Just go with the flow, things will work themselves out, and if you ignore the small stuff, you get to enjoy the real important things that much more!
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Dani Lynn: Posted on Wednesday, September 28, 2011 1:59 AM
When ever I have a face to face meeting with a potential bride and her groom, I always ask a set of questions to get to know them a little better and to find out certain personality traits and little nuances about them that I can insert into their ceremony. I always ask "how do you see yourselves when you are standing in front of me?" Are you "Traditional" and want to repeat your vows or are you "Non-traditional" and want to create your own vows to share?" Most of the time I get the response of "Traditional" and usually it is always from the groom. Occasionally I will get a response from the Groom pointing a finger at his bride to be, and answering me back with "What ever she tells me to say." I have found that even in today's world with all of these new standards being combined into the old standards of wedding planning, The structure of a simple ceremony still remains very much the same. I always encourage my couples to be different, to let me help create a ceremony that represents who they are not only as individuals, but as the couple they are now. I often give the suggestion to pick music that speaks to who the bride and groom are and will make their guests sit up and take notice. Example- I did a "Redneck themed wedding" where the Bride's maids and Maid of Honor came down the aisle to the song "Redneck Woman". The bridal march was "She thinks my tractor's sexy" as the bride rode in on the back of a trailer being pulled by a John Deere Tractor. And if that wasn't redneck enough, all of the Groomsmen wore camo shorts and matching shirts. (See pic) The bridesmaids carried plastic cups full of beer, and so did the groomsmen. Instead of a "Rose ceremony" where the bride and groom honor their mother's by gifting them with a rose, this particular couple had their Mom's chug a beer! Their vows were even personalized to suit their personalities. She promised not to bug him during the Red Wings games and he promised not to roll his eyes at her when she asks for more money to go shoe shopping...Now, as much as I encourage individuality and want the couple to have a unique and creative wedding, not all have to go to this extreme. This particular wedding went as far as having MUD Wrestling for their guest, and at one point tried to "auction" me off to the highest bidder as a means of obtaining money for the bride and groom. I quickly withdrew myself from that situation. Now on the other end of the spectrum is the "Traditional" wedding where a set outline is followed for the ceremony and they have all of the pomp and circumstance with the classic music played for the processional and of course "Here comes the bride" for the bridal march, and the standard "Cannon in D" for the recessional. What I like to do for these particular couples is suggest having "Non-traditional" music to spice things up a bit. Again, they don't have to go the extremes as my "Redneck bride and groom, but just enough to show their friends and family a different side to who they are. Example-I performed a wedding with all the "traditional" elements present, except for the fact that this particular bride chose The Star Wars theme for her wedding party to march down the aisle to and for her bridal march she used the "Star Trek The Next Generation television show theme song". As you can see in the picture, this particular couple looked like they had a so called "Traditional" wedding, which in fact they did, but they made it unique and their own by adding that something special that represented them. When their friends and family heard the music, everyone was saying how that was so befitting of this couple, especially since they are total science fiction geeks! So I guess what I am saying is that no matter how you think of yourself when you are in the role of bride or groom, don't let titles like "Traditional and Non-traditional" limit you. Be creative and find ways to express who you are and insert that into your ceremony. Remember, this is YOUR special day, make it what you want it to be!
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